I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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