i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Shame is for Republicans.
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