You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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