I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
