from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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