Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
