i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm both gender and math confused
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
