new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
