ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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