Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
