You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
