so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
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Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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