it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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