Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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