Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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