Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
