i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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