you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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