You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
