so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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