Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
