I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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