so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
