you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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