I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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