Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
