Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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