i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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