i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
