honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
