just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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