He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
