Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
