billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
