We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
