it was like eating out sand paper
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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