areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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