I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
