Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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