Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
