The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize