I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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