the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
