i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
