i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize