there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
