His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
