I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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