i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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