There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
