Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
