Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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