Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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