Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
