btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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