You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dick very happy bro
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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