no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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