thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
