There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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