So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize