you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
