Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
