Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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