Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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