I wish life had little blips of pornography
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
