the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
