I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
