I bet he comes in French.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
