I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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