I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
