I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
