have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There r osticjed everywhere
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
